Many thanks for your reply to my question David, I have hate to say but I agree with all that you said, I wish that I did not. I am attempting to tidy with small amounts of time per day. It will be a long strouggle however, as I have an entire house to sort out. There is definately a blockage in my brain against tidying and cleaning in my brain that I cannot explain or understand. I am not ready to invite anyone around, even my former girlfriend refused to come round, despite dating for a few years. Other people seem to find this really easy, so I must assume that there is something faulty with me. All the Best, Dale from England.
Hi David. SaĆÆda from France (but if Salema is easier for you to pronounce, then it is fine for me. Pick up the name you prefer) If i deeply see that the narc can ruin one day of my entire life (or maybe 2 or 3 days) but that he does not have the power to bend me, mould me, that he CANNOT BREAK ME. And if i internalize this truth deeply, deeply in the deepest parts of my being; then, there is nothing to be afraid of anymore! What do you think David?
Yes I agree with what you say regarding Stockholm syndrome..love to know more about the chemicals released during dependency David….!!!!! Great video.Jennifer uk
In my unique position, my son has autism and my wife has traits of BPD. It is my opinion that there is a connection between autism and BPD. In certain females who experience trauma as a young child, I believe, in conjunction with autistic traits, borderline forms as they grow older. From what Iāve seen, horrible parenting seems to have decimated any sort of sense of what right and wrong is in addition to utterly blunting any sense of self awareness when it comes to emotions. I see a strong likeness between the sort of therapy my son receives and the sort of therapy BPD people receive. I believe it is a combination of mild autism/sociopathy in the genes mixed with bad nurturing (likely due to shared genetic deficiencies with family of origin) that creates BPD. I think the antics of BPD are quite similar in form to autistic stims/outbursts. What BPD people seem to lack is both childhood training due to bad parenting and an innate sense of what they are feeling. The trick is for the rest of us simply to see this truth. BPD people give the illusion of having deep and horrid feelings when in fact they are merely on-going and unresolved because they lack the ability to, if feelings can be compared to saplings, reach up for some sunlight to shed some light on what they look like. So paradoxically their emotions are very shallow in comparison to most. They act out in various ways in order to make the signal to noise ratio of their feelings more discernible. They mirror and lie like a middle schooler might when placed into a position where they ought to know what to do (or believe they should) and then begin to flounder and act like over confident fools as to hopefully fool the people they are withā¦ because if they donāt their singular emotion which is very clear to them, which is anxiety due to all the confusion, will overtake them. They desperately pretend to be like the humans, so to speak, so they arenāt detected. Itās sad, but frankly, itās a tiny problem. The solution seems to be long term cognitive training to illuminate the saplings below and nourish them; to train their minds to recognize what they are feeling. And crucially, with this, they must be trained to behave in such a way that these feelings are handled appropriately. Much like my son who has autism must be trained to recognizeā¦ an inward cognitive skillā¦ and to determine which behavior is most likely to be acceptedā¦ so does my wife seem to be slowly recovering from her issues.
Yes. Iām saying there is a cure and itās dead simple. Youāre training a child. (Iām not.. her therapist and she is training herself). There is a set number basic emotions which must be taught to them and then upon recognizing them, a life can be customized within their total glorious control ā¦ which seems to be a big bonus to the BPD. (They want total controlā¦ only they āmustā use you to regulate themselves in that process). In fact, it is mastery that is disrupted and this disrupted mastery is essentially that which healthy people call fundamental, which is to say, a healthy vibrant emotional life and system of addressing that emotional life in such a way that fulfills these emotions. Given the tools to master this process, the child within grows up and to be great relief, toxic pride and selfishness gives way to a modicum of humility and selflessness. Itās quite astonishing to see how simple it all is/was.
But with my sonā¦ Iāve had to granularly explain in tedious detail how to perform basic tasks most kids would intuit much more quickly. But.. he doesnāt forget once he knows. And no one would know the difference now. The thing does the thing and then the thing happens. Doesnāt matter how it was taught at that point, to most people.
Iām a writer and filmmaker soā¦ this is what most people would consider to be a long comment. But not me lol
So Iāll end with this bitā¦ Iāve found that the tangible lessons with which Iāve been able to help my wife teach herself came in large part from principles Iāve learned from how my autistic son is being trained. I know BPD people can act like psychopaths… but I believe they are something slightly different in themselves. They arenāt sociopaths or psychopaths. They have a different sense of emotions. Iām convinced it is quite similar to autism, inasmuch that it is an impaired brain which also experienced emotional trauma when the person was a young child. I honestly believe a large portion of BPD people can be trained once they know that their problems are painfully silly and frankly, a form of emotional incompetence. If they admit that and can be taught how to recognize their emotions and how to behave once they have a solid idea which emotion they feel at a given moment, stability and a much rosier outlook emerges, despite the storms and craziness which happened before. But only if they apply themselves and accept the therapy.
Hi David..why do psychopaths seem to answer questions so quickly when being interigated ? Is it becouse their minds are empty at the time..? Hope this makes sence..its almost as if they know whats coming when being interigated.thankyou David.Jennifer uk
Tara (Niagara area Canada) My therapist actually recommended mushrooms and when I voiced concern due to family addiction he suggested cannabis edibles with close friends as when I smoked it I had panic attacks and the oil tastes gross. The edible was great. I fully relaxed for the first time in years and my thoughts and brain calmed almost completely. Additionally, my knee pain eased and I had the most solid sleep without a single nightmare.
Hola David I signed the Petition. I suffered bulling at school, from my own mother and my brother all my childhood and until my brother died when I was 39. This is serious because my mother's family still thinks there is something wrong with me . Why? Because for so many years she used to say I was crazy, weird, that maybe I had autism. So , that is the result of it. Fortunately I hardly see them now and I don't care but whenever there is a family reunion they still have this behavior towards me. They don't seen to remember that when I was a little girl, my mother and brother used to make fun of me in front of all of them. Well, I think I am ok now Besos to Danny š¾ā„ļøš¾
I really like your idea of selling your items that you donāt need and that donāt bring value to your life. I know that Iām too attached to my phone. I only want healthy friends in my life, friends that I feel comfortable around. I am doing well, I have completed my second project at work.
The first therapist tested me for drugs because how bad I looked just from emotional trauma.
Sometimes at night I wonder If I am really the true me around other people or is it just an unconscious act that I did so often that I donāt even know I am doing.
From Louisiana. Hey David! Thanks for the response, I hope youāre well. I guess my concern is going to someone new Iād have to open back up to the start of all this and revisit the trauma, events and pain. I still struggle with how I feel like I no longer exist to my ex. Without any explanation. she was future planning, telling me how much she loved me and appreciated what I was doing for her while she was struggling. Even reinforced how she wanted to marry me even more so seeing how supportive Iāve been. I understand that was all words but I still struggle with it trying to find healing and clarity. I would hate to revisit those times and get down into depression again or go against myself thinking it was my fault. However if a Rocky starts lead to healing,l that is the end goal. I would love to feel whole and fulfilled again. Guess itās time to be brave. Thanks David.
Thanks for doing this! This is BigDave pissed-off in Tennessee . My sister somehow got hooked into a relationship with one of these Narcissist Sociopath SOB. I got a ton of questions but I think I need to try and understand this first, I think. All my sis goes on and on about is how he always talked about accountability and the importance of fairness but when this dude split, the coward "texted" her his vile, vitriolic, pathetic, dickless "goodbye" and then just cut her off! He would not answer her calls, texts or emails, whatever. My question is, do these people know or are they even aware of the hypocritical actions on their part and are they aware, I really mean aware of how F'n wrong that is to just text or even say horrible crap and then not even give my sister a chance to speak her mind? Do they even understand? Not the text part as much as the overall action of not acting like a grown up and hearing her out since he said what he needed to say. Sorry if I am being redundant – just want to make sure you see the primary question. Thanks
Good morning, David! Becuz I have a penchant for looking things up, I jumped right on your mention of what might be a GEICO INSURANCE COMMERCIAL ABOUT BECOMING YOUR PARENT!S. So this morning, since I was too tired to jump, I looked up just that! Did you know there are 64 or more Geico commercials! Some very funny hilarious! Couldnāt watch them all! Didnāt find one about becoming your parents!! Then Progressive Insurance came up, and walla! Several featuring Dr Rick as a Life Coach! Too funny!! My Mom used to say ā Keep me posted on the timeā , āWatch out for weirdoās ā, my Dad said one in German that I canāt repeat!! Have a great day, David! Keep me posted on your videos!! Couldnāt resist!šā¤ļø
Hi David! Salema from France I enjoyed the questions and answers. So informative and helpful. I like your energy. Thanks for answering my question about me repeating my dad's expressions. I am mindful that i don't like these expressions any more. They don't make me laugh anymore. So, yes i stop using them. I feel healthier. I wish i could see that commercial you talked about!
My mom always enjoyed hurting me just like my dad, she knew what she were dooing, and you canāt say that she was the victim, she could have done something but she constantly told me throughout my life not to get help or talk to people, it is as much her fault as it is my dadās.
Hey Dave. CA central valley. Is it normal to have moments of extreme loneliness and reminisce of the good moments I had with the narc ? And this after the denial and recovering from the physical damage they cause. This several months after it ended and I am starting to get my stuff together but I still get these moments
Hi David. Penny from Arizona East Valley. Thank you for answering my question a few months ago. I was married to a narcissistic man for 27 years. I went no contact in 2017. We have been legally divorced since 2018. We have 3 adult children who maintain a relationship with their father and respect my no contact relationship for the most part. During the course of our marriage we had a few close friends. I valued the friendship with these people and couples. I recently decided to ask each of them if they were still friends with my ex. Most of them said yes. I then blocked them too. I really donāt feel safe talking or being vulnerable with them because of the chance that they might communicate my feelings or situation or personal issues with my ex. Was this decision neurotic or strange? It felt right and I have no regrets. It felt like I was cleaning house. How can they be my friends if they are enlisted into his narcissistic fantasy. Iād like to hear your perspective of canceling friendships with the narcissistic ex partner. I canāt cancel my adult kids because of their relationship with their father. I know they care about my feelings and healing. I donāt worry about my kids. What do think about my decision?
Thank you David for tonight's video. To anybody who is still with these toxic creatures please remember that no matter what they say or do they never ever change, it only gets worse. I have never heard or seen an Abusive Narc change and suddenly become emotionally available it just doesn't happen. They actually believe their own sick twisted lies. Damage was done to my home on many occasions and he was always " Getting it fixed" but it just never did get repaired. Once I got him out of my home I never looked for anything from him because it was a waste of time and he became nothing to me in the end. Have a great week David. God Bless. Lisa, Ireland š
Hello David from Pennsylvania. Does CBD oil show up on a drug test? Some companies still require a test before they hire you for employment. I was just curious if you happen to know. Thank you for helping us all. I love to listen. Have a great week.
Hi David Victoria from the Bay area hi David Thank you for answering my question I took a peek inside my toxic family's life Nothing's changed they're still very toxic I have to do no contact like I did with my ex narcissist I guess I forgot how much pain this family can dish out I spent last night curled up in a ball crying I just had to feel the pain all over again so I wouldn't go back I can't keep moving forward if I keep looking back I wish it was different
Once you experience the rollercoaster that leads into the circus of the BPD and NPD individuals we are forever changed. Logic facts do not register with them.
Hi David
Many thanks for your reply to my question David,
I have hate to say but I agree with all that you said, I wish that I did not.
I am attempting to tidy with small amounts of time per day. It will be a long strouggle however, as I have an entire house to sort out. There is definately a blockage in my brain against tidying and cleaning in my brain that I cannot explain or understand. I am not ready to invite anyone around, even my former girlfriend refused to come round, despite dating for a few years. Other people seem to find this really easy, so I must assume that there is something faulty with me.
All the Best,
Dale from England.
Hi David. SaĆÆda from France
(but if Salema is easier for you to pronounce, then it is fine for me. Pick up the name you prefer)
If i deeply see that the narc can ruin one day of my entire life (or maybe 2 or 3 days) but that he does not have the power to bend me, mould me, that he CANNOT BREAK ME. And if i internalize this truth deeply, deeply in the deepest parts of my being; then, there is nothing to be afraid of anymore!
What do you think David?
Father part..found it upsetting..what a roll model. Trigger warning! Thankyou David.Jennifer uk
I agree with what you said regarding psychopaths..thankyou David for your answer.Jennifer uk
Hi Rory..I've learned allot from this video..x
Yes I agree with what you say regarding Stockholm syndrome..love to know more about the chemicals released during dependency David….!!!!! Great video.Jennifer uk
In my unique position, my son has autism and my wife has traits of BPD. It is my opinion that there is a connection between autism and BPD. In certain females who experience trauma as a young child, I believe, in conjunction with autistic traits, borderline forms as they grow older. From what Iāve seen, horrible parenting seems to have decimated any sort of sense of what right and wrong is in addition to utterly blunting any sense of self awareness when it comes to emotions.
I see a strong likeness between the sort of therapy my son receives and the sort of therapy BPD people receive. I believe it is a combination of mild autism/sociopathy in the genes mixed with bad nurturing (likely due to shared genetic deficiencies with family of origin) that creates BPD. I think the antics of BPD are quite similar in form to autistic stims/outbursts.
What BPD people seem to lack is both childhood training due to bad parenting and an innate sense of what they are feeling. The trick is for the rest of us simply to see this truth. BPD people give the illusion of having deep and horrid feelings when in fact they are merely on-going and unresolved because they lack the ability to, if feelings can be compared to saplings, reach up for some sunlight to shed some light on what they look like. So paradoxically their emotions are very shallow in comparison to most. They act out in various ways in order to make the signal to noise ratio of their feelings more discernible. They mirror and lie like a middle schooler might when placed into a position where they ought to know what to do (or believe they should) and then begin to flounder and act like over confident fools as to hopefully fool the people they are withā¦ because if they donāt their singular emotion which is very clear to them, which is anxiety due to all the confusion, will overtake them. They desperately pretend to be like the humans, so to speak, so they arenāt detected.
Itās sad, but frankly, itās a tiny problem. The solution seems to be long term cognitive training to illuminate the saplings below and nourish them; to train their minds to recognize what they are feeling. And crucially, with this, they must be trained to behave in such a way that these feelings are handled appropriately. Much like my son who has autism must be trained to recognizeā¦ an inward cognitive skillā¦ and to determine which behavior is most likely to be acceptedā¦ so does my wife seem to be slowly recovering from her issues.
Yes. Iām saying there is a cure and itās dead simple. Youāre training a child. (Iām not.. her therapist and she is training herself). There is a set number basic emotions which must be taught to them and then upon recognizing them, a life can be customized within their total glorious control ā¦ which seems to be a big bonus to the BPD. (They want total controlā¦ only they āmustā use you to regulate themselves in that process). In fact, it is mastery that is disrupted and this disrupted mastery is essentially that which healthy people call fundamental, which is to say, a healthy vibrant emotional life and system of addressing that emotional life in such a way that fulfills these emotions. Given the tools to master this process, the child within grows up and to be great relief, toxic pride and selfishness gives way to a modicum of humility and selflessness. Itās quite astonishing to see how simple it all is/was.
But with my sonā¦ Iāve had to granularly explain in tedious detail how to perform basic tasks most kids would intuit much more quickly. But.. he doesnāt forget once he knows. And no one would know the difference now. The thing does the thing and then the thing happens. Doesnāt matter how it was taught at that point, to most people.
Iām a writer and filmmaker soā¦ this is what most people would consider to be a long comment. But not me lol
So Iāll end with this bitā¦ Iāve found that the tangible lessons with which Iāve been able to help my wife teach herself came in large part from principles Iāve learned from how my autistic son is being trained. I know BPD people can act like psychopaths… but I believe they are something slightly different in themselves. They arenāt sociopaths or psychopaths. They have a different sense of emotions. Iām convinced it is quite similar to autism, inasmuch that it is an impaired brain which also experienced emotional trauma when the person was a young child. I honestly believe a large portion of BPD people can be trained once they know that their problems are painfully silly and frankly, a form of emotional incompetence. If they admit that and can be taught how to recognize their emotions and how to behave once they have a solid idea which emotion they feel at a given moment, stability and a much rosier outlook emerges, despite the storms and craziness which happened before. But only if they apply themselves and accept the therapy.
I will get better
Hi David good to see you..hope you and Danny are doing ok.
Hi David..why do psychopaths seem to answer questions so quickly when being interigated ? Is it becouse their minds are empty at the time..? Hope this makes sence..its almost as if they know whats coming when being interigated.thankyou David.Jennifer uk
I've had good luck with therapy 2 different times ā²ļø šÆ
Hello David Paul from Wisconsin always looking forward to your videos. CBD work š ā„ļø
Tara (Niagara area Canada) My therapist actually recommended mushrooms and when I voiced concern due to family addiction he suggested cannabis edibles with close friends as when I smoked it I had panic attacks and the oil tastes gross. The edible was great. I fully relaxed for the first time in years and my thoughts and brain calmed almost completely. Additionally, my knee pain eased and I had the most solid sleep without a single nightmare.
Shared. Have a wonderful week. š
They also make you feel missable by acting like they are happy while you are depressed.
I signed the petition, but it is frustrating how few signatures it had.
Hola David
I signed the Petition. I suffered bulling at school, from my own mother and my brother all my childhood and until my brother died when I was 39. This is serious because my mother's family still thinks there is something wrong with me . Why? Because for so many years she used to say I was crazy, weird, that maybe I had autism. So , that is the result of it. Fortunately I hardly see them now and I don't care but whenever there is a family reunion they still have this behavior towards me. They don't seen to remember that when I was a little girl, my mother and brother used to make fun of me in front of all of them.
Well, I think I am ok now
Besos to Danny š¾ā„ļøš¾
from south africa
Hi David
I really like your idea of selling your items that you donāt need and that donāt bring value to your life. I know that Iām too attached to my phone.
I only want healthy friends in my life, friends that I feel comfortable around. I am doing well, I have completed my second project at work.
The first therapist tested me for drugs because how bad I looked just from emotional trauma.
Sometimes at night I wonder If I am really the true me around other people or is it just an unconscious act that I did so often that I donāt even know I am doing.
ā¤ā¤ā¤
From Louisiana. Hey David! Thanks for the response, I hope youāre well. I guess my concern is going to someone new Iād have to open back up to the start of all this and revisit the trauma, events and pain. I still struggle with how I feel like I no longer exist to my ex. Without any explanation. she was future planning, telling me how much she loved me and appreciated what I was doing for her while she was struggling. Even reinforced how she wanted to marry me even more so seeing how supportive Iāve been. I understand that was all words but I still struggle with it trying to find healing and clarity. I would hate to revisit those times and get down into depression again or go against myself thinking it was my fault. However if a Rocky starts lead to healing,l that is the end goal. I would love to feel whole and fulfilled again. Guess itās time to be brave. Thanks David.
Thanks for doing this! This is BigDave pissed-off in Tennessee . My sister somehow got hooked into a relationship with one of these Narcissist Sociopath SOB. I got a ton of questions but I think I need to try and understand this first, I think. All my sis goes on and on about is how he always talked about accountability and the importance of fairness but when this dude split, the coward "texted" her his vile, vitriolic, pathetic, dickless "goodbye" and then just cut her off! He would not answer her calls, texts or emails, whatever. My question is, do these people know or are they even aware of the hypocritical actions on their part and are they aware, I really mean aware of how F'n wrong that is to just text or even say horrible crap and then not even give my sister a chance to speak her mind? Do they even understand? Not the text part as much as the overall action of not acting like a grown up and hearing her out since he said what he needed to say. Sorry if I am being redundant – just want to make sure you see the primary question. Thanks
Good morning, David! Becuz I have a penchant for looking things up, I jumped right on your mention of what might be a GEICO INSURANCE COMMERCIAL ABOUT BECOMING YOUR PARENT!S. So this morning, since I was too tired to jump, I looked up just that! Did you know there are 64 or more Geico commercials! Some very funny hilarious! Couldnāt watch them all! Didnāt find one about becoming your parents!! Then Progressive Insurance came up, and walla! Several featuring Dr Rick as a Life Coach! Too funny!! My Mom used to say ā Keep me posted on the timeā , āWatch out for weirdoās ā, my Dad said one in German that I canāt repeat!! Have a great day, David! Keep me posted on your videos!! Couldnāt resist!šā¤ļø
Hi Emile! Hope you are having a great day!šā¤ļø
Hi David! Salema from France
I enjoyed the questions and answers. So informative and helpful. I like your energy.
Thanks for answering my question about me repeating my dad's expressions. I am mindful that i don't like these expressions any more. They don't make me laugh anymore. So, yes i stop using them. I feel healthier.
I wish i could see that commercial you talked about!
My mom always enjoyed hurting me just like my dad, she knew what she were dooing, and you canāt say that she was the victim, she could have done something but she constantly told me throughout my life not to get help or talk to people, it is as much her fault as it is my dadās.
Hey Dave. CA central valley. Is it normal to have moments of extreme loneliness and reminisce of the good moments I had with the narc ? And this after the denial and recovering from the physical damage they cause. This several months after it ended and I am starting to get my stuff together but I still get these moments
Went to sign the petition and got the dreaded 404 Not Found to your link.
Hi David. Penny from Arizona East Valley. Thank you for answering my question a few months ago. I was married to a narcissistic man for 27 years. I went no contact in 2017. We have been legally divorced since 2018. We have 3 adult children who maintain a relationship with their father and respect my no contact relationship for the most part. During the course of our marriage we had a few close friends. I valued the friendship with these people and couples. I recently decided to ask each of them if they were still friends with my ex. Most of them said yes. I then blocked them too.
I really donāt feel safe talking or being vulnerable with them because of the chance that they might communicate my feelings or situation or personal issues with my ex. Was this decision neurotic or strange? It felt right and I have no regrets. It felt like I was cleaning house. How can they be my friends if they are enlisted into his narcissistic fantasy. Iād like to hear your perspective of canceling friendships with the narcissistic ex partner. I canāt cancel my adult kids because of their relationship with their father. I know they care about my feelings and healing. I donāt worry about my kids. What do think about my decision?
Thank you David for tonight's video. To anybody who is still with these toxic creatures please remember that no matter what they say or do they never ever change, it only gets worse. I have never heard or seen an Abusive Narc change and suddenly become emotionally available it just doesn't happen. They actually believe their own sick twisted lies. Damage was done to my home on many occasions and he was always " Getting it fixed" but it just never did get repaired. Once I got him out of my home I never looked for anything from him because it was a waste of time and he became nothing to me in the end. Have a great week David. God Bless. Lisa, Ireland š
Hello David from Pennsylvania. Does CBD oil show up on a drug test? Some companies still require a test before they hire you for employment. I was just curious if you happen to know. Thank you for helping us all. I love to listen. Have a great week.
Hi David,
How are you doing?
Is an emotionally unavailable man a Narcissist?
Thank you.
Hi David Victoria from the Bay area hi David Thank you for answering my question I took a peek inside my toxic family's life Nothing's changed they're still very toxic I have to do no contact like I did with my ex narcissist I guess I forgot how much pain this family can dish out I spent last night curled up in a ball crying I just had to feel the pain all over again so I wouldn't go back I can't keep moving forward if I keep looking back I wish it was different
Good afternoon, David!!
Once you experience the rollercoaster that leads into the circus of the BPD and NPD individuals we are forever changed. Logic facts do not register with them.
Hi David thank u as always!!!